Boom Roasted

 

Ingredients

8 brussels sprouts

½ sweet potato

2 small red skin potatoes

1 parsnip

1 large carrot

½ red onion

6 bacons

Seasoning blend

olive oil

maple syrup

1 tsp. garlic salt

1 Tbs. rosemary

2 tps. thyme

1 tsp. oregano

black pepper

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Prep Time: 15 min.

Cook Time: 35 min.

Experience Level: like burning your foot on a George Forman grill

 

 

If you, like myself,  just spent the afternoon in the park trying to feed the pigeons, but seems they all flew west for the winter, we might be Michael Scott. Well, I had some thoughts I wanted to share with you people.

Brussels sprouts, you taste weird and were voted the most-hated vegetable in America. Boom, roasted. Sweet potato, You’re orange and everybody thinks you are a yam. Boom, roasted. Red skin potatoes, you have bad skin and are basically an edible rock. Boom, roasted. Parsnip, you look like a lumpy old ghost carrot and nobodyknows what you are. Boom, roasted. Carrot, you live in dirt and you’re orangier than the sweet potato. Boom, roasted. Red onion, you’re not even red, you’re purple and you make everyone cry. Boom, roasted. Have no idea what I’m talking about? Do yourself a favor and binge every episode of The Office or just watch the end of episode 15 of season 5 for a refresher.

 
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Now go find your oven and get it preheating to 425º. While that's heating up fetch a large mixing bowl, olive oil, maple syrup, and all those herbs and spices. Pour roughly 2-3 Tbs. of oil in the bowl and a splash of maple syrup. Don’t skimp out on the oil, you don’t want the veggies drying out in the oven. Next you can sprinkle in the rosemary, thyme, oregano, garlic salt and a crack of black pepper. Swirl that bowl around to mix it all together, then set it off to the side of your cutting board.

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Grab yourself that sweet potato peel the skin off and dice it into 1½” cubes. Before you ask,“Do I need to use a ruler?” the answer is no. Use your second pinky knuckle for reference, it’s about an inch. Cool you’re done with that, now guess what?! You get to do it all over again with the red skins. Leaving the skin on, cut them into 1” cubes. Toss the cubes into the bowl to make some room for yourself on your cutting board. One by one, slice the brussels sprouts. Quarter them if they are large, but if they are smaller, just cut them in half. Yes you’re going to eat these. Yes, you have to do this. Stop complaining. Also, size matters when cutting vegetables. Unless you’d rather have some overcooked and some undercooked on the same sheet. Then by all means do it your way. Drop the halved sprouts into the bowl and give it a good swirling. Get wild with it and see how high you can toss those veggies in and out of the bowl. 

Dump out the sprouts and potatoes onto a large foil lined baking sheet. Make sure they each have a little space around them. Check your bowl and see how much of the seasoning blend is left. Add a splash more oil and a few shakes of each herb if you’re running low. Peel the carrot and parsnip and slice those into coins about a half inch thick. Toss those into the bowl. Cut the onion in half vertically through the stem. Then slice off the stem and a little off the bottom of each half. Peel away a few layers of the outer skin, then cut those pieces vertically in half again. This time, chop each section in thirds, horizontally. You should have a total of 12 chunks of onion on your board and at least nine fingers left. Now throw those spiffy onion clusters into the mixing bowl and give them a swirl. Empty them out onto another foil lined baking sheetand get everything into the oven. Place the potatoes & sprouts on the upper third rack and the other sheet on the lower third.

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Set a timer for 15 minutes. Now you can scroll through your instagram and catch up on all that dope content you’ve been missing out on. But don’t get sucked in too deep, we still have to crisp up the bacon. Place six strips of bacon on a griddle or pan over medium to medium-low heat. Cooking it at a lower temp longer yields a lower grease spatter radius and keeps it from curling up. Once the bacon is looking extra crispy, set it off to the side on a plate with a few sheets of paper towel to soak up the extra grease.

Your timer is going off! Flip those veggies over and make sure they aren’t drying out. If they look a little thirsty you can drizzle some more olive oil over them. Throw them back in and set another timer for 10 minutes. Once that timer is up, remove the tray with the carrots, parsnip and onion. Continue cooking the sprouts and potatoes  for another 5-10 minutes. Crumble up the bacon while the rest of the veggies finish roasting. It’s hard to believe, but this meal is actually ready and your work here is just about done. Serve by plopping an assortment of this splendid medley of vegetables on a plate or in a bowl. Garnish with crumbled bacon, a fresh crack of pepper and a sprinkle of salt. 

If you’ve actually read this far, then here’s a bonus secret sauce you can try. Whisk together 2 Tbs. stone ground mustard, 2 Tbs. maple syrup, 1 tsp. olive oil, and a dash of apple cider vinegar. Boom, roasted.